I want to know who you are
by slowroad
Summary: "He was honestly surprised at himself. He, James Bond wanted a committed relationship instead of casual sex that kept him free of entanglements, feelings, responsibilities…things that he had sworn that he would avoid forever. What was wrong with him? Why was he even thinking about this?" James is smitten with Q. Q is a bit oblivious. So James has to find a way to woo him.
1. Chapter 1

The first time that James Bond met Q, he dismissed him as just another tecchie. He was clearly intelligent and rather beautiful, though he seemed quite unaware of that fact. And perhaps he was not as young as he looked, but he was definitely too young to be the Quartermaster and he wondered what M had been thinking, giving him that job.

Then he started working with Q and he found himself revising that assessment rather quickly. Q was an excellent Quartermaster. He could hack into pretty much any network in the world and he could do it at the sort of speed that should not have been humanly possible. He could build the sort of guns and cars that were the envy of secret agents everywhere. And despite his age, he was an excellent leader. What James appreciated the most though, was that Q was a strategist, always thinking three or four steps ahead and giving the best advice and direction that he could when he was running the comms.

James had never got through his missions as easily as he did with Q in his ear. All he had to do was listen, which was saying quite a bit coming from a maverick like him. James found his respect for the man growing, though that did not stop him from making age jokes and bantering with Q whenever the opportunity presented itself. Q seemed to enjoy the banter as well and he always gave as good as he got. James found himself growing rather fond of his Quartermaster and he realised that he wanted to get to know him better.

He was on a flight back home from Japan, after being away for nearly a month. It had been a gruelling mission, but he'd brought it to a successful conclusion and he was going home to get some well-earned rest. Mallory had promised him at least two weeks of down-time, so he finally had a chance to consider his position with Q and to decide what to do about it.

This was an unusual situation for him. It had been years since James had been interested in someone for something other than sex. Not that he didn't want that with Q...he'd noticed in their very first meeting that Q was beautiful. And the more time he spent around the man, the more alluring he found him, everything from that mop of curly hair to those green eyes which seemed to draw him in every time he looked at them, that mouth and those lips that James couldn't seem to stop thinking about, the curve of that jaw, that long pale neck and that slender frame which he found himself tracking much too often…

James was falling for Q and he most definitely wanted him, but this time he wanted more than just sex, something more than a casual hook-up. He wanted to know everything about Q, he wanted to know who he had been before he became Q, he wanted to know his name, he wondered if Q had a family, what sort of music he liked, what his favourite books were, what his apartment looked like, what Q looked like first thing in the morning...

James had had a string of lovers in his life and he'd got involved with each of them knowing full well that it was temporary. They'd go on a couple of dates, shag for a while and go their separate ways. That was his MO, that was what James was comfortable with. But somehow the idea of doing that with Q was distinctly unappealing. Q was different, he was interesting, he was witty and clever...and James had always found intelligence very attractive.

So no, he wasn't just looking for a fling, he wanted a relationship, a commitment...he wanted Q all to himself. The very idea of Q moving on or being with someone else made his stomach turn. That should've scared him. It did scare him, but he wanted Q anyway. But would Q want him in the same way? He had no idea. He knew that Q liked him, probably a little more than he liked the other agents. He laughed and joked with him the way he did not with any of the other agents and through all their banter there was an unmistakable ring of fondness that he could hear in Q's voice.

He also knew that Q found him attractive. The Quartermaster was subtle, but James had caught him staring on more than one occasion. There was definitely a bit of interest there...He sat back in his seat and stared out of the aeroplane window. He was honestly surprised at himself. He, James Bond wanted a committed relationship instead of casual sex that kept him free of entanglements, feelings and responsibilities…things that he had sworn that he would avoid forever. What was wrong with him? Why was he even thinking about this?

He couldn't put a label on it yet, but what he knew and couldn't deny was the tug he felt in his heart when he heard Q's voice in his ear at the start of every mission, the warmth in his chest when he walked into Q branch and saw Q in front of that bank of monitors, tapping furiously at this key-board, doing ten things at once and somehow being on top of everything, that way Q had of looking up suddenly and flashing a smile at him...

These feelings were by no means sudden. They had been building steadily for months now, but James had so far refused to do anything about them. What if it was just a passing fancy? He couldn't do that to Q. Also it was easier to ignore the feelings than to act on them because actions brought consequences. What if Q rejected him? What if Q accepted him and they started dating and things went wrong? He knew very well how much that would hurt if it happened. After all, wasn't that why he avoided relationships in the first place?

But he was sick of burying his feelings and tired of his loneliness. Both sex and drink had lost their appeal in the last few months and James was starting to feel like he was losing his mind. He was done fighting with himself. He wanted Q, so he was going to ask him out and damn the consequences. James Bond had never been a coward and now he was tired of acting like one. So he got off the flight, grabbed his bags and went straight to MI6.

 **...**

It was 11:00 in the morning when he got there. He had a de-briefing with Mallory at 12:00, so he made his way to the gym, took a leisurely shower and changed into the spare suit that he kept in his locker. It was unlike him to actually make it to a debriefing on schedule. He usually tended to hide out in his flat for at least a couple of days after a long mission before showing up at the office.

This time though, he wanted to get work out of the way as soon as possible. His two-week break was due to start tomorrow and he wanted to be free of obligations when it did, even if it meant going to medical on schedule. Not that he really needed it this time. He'd been in a few fights and he had a collection of bruises, but he hadn't been stabbed or shot at, so he was okay.

Mallory was surprised to see him, but he tried not to show it. The de-brief took an hour, it was just procedure and since James hadn't blown up any buildings or gone off radio, there wasn't anything to lecture him about.

"Good job, 007. It was a clean mission."

"It was difficult but clean, yes."

"I must say I'm surprised. It's been a while since you blew anything up. I wonder why."

"Q won't let me," James said, surprising a chuckle from his boss. .

"Good for him then. It's nice to see that you are no longer suicidal. Do I have to thank Q for that as well?"

It was a loaded question and James didn't really want to answer, so he shrugged and left it at that.

M looked intently at him for a minute. James kept his face impassive as always.

Mallory must have realised that he wasn't going to get anything else out of James, so he decided to let him go. "Well, go on then. Enjoy your break. And make sure you return your equipment and file your after action reports before you leave."

James nodded and then he left.

 **…**

He walked into Q-branch a found the usual hive of activity. The place was full of sights and sounds that he found oddly comforting. Q was not at his usual position in front of the bank of monitors. So James made his way to his office. He stood at the door for a minute, watching while Q argued with someone on the phone, Tanner by the sound of it. Q was facing away from him, looking thorough a bunch of files.

"Why do we need bloody paper records for everything? It's ridiculous!" Q said.

…

"I know it is policy, Bill. But it's a stupid policy. It's time-consuming and idiotic."

…

"Fine. I'll do it, now stop badgering me"

…

"In triplicate? Of course you need it in bloody triplicate. I'll get it done. Just don't expect it anytime soon, alright. I'm neck deep in cleaning up the mess that 006 left behind him in Syria."

Q turned around then. He saw James and he smiled…Q always smiled at him like that, like he was just plain happy to see him. James smiled back and walked into the office. He sat in one of the chairs facing Q and he waited for him to finish his call.

"Yes I will be at the budget committee meeting at 4:00. You've only reminded me fourteen times now. Gosh, you're worse than my brother," Q complained as he hung up.

"You have a brother?" James said before he could stop himself.

Q looked a bit uncomfortable for a moment. He clearly hadn't intended to make that slip. They were MI6 after all. Everyone here was discreet about their families. James was one of the few who had nothing and no one to lose.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry," he said.

"It's okay. I have two brothers actually. Both older than me. The eldest is a bit too protective for my taste…"

"So Bill knows about your family," James said feeling an unexpected stab of jealousy.

"Yes. Both Bill and Mallory know. I'll tell you about them someday. Now though, I need you to return your equipment and fill up some forms," Q said, smoothly changing the topic. James reined in his curiosity. He could see that any further questions would only irritate Q and he didn't want to do that. After all, he was trying to get on Q's good side here.

It was difficult though. He knew nothing whatever about Q and the Quartermaster for all his charm and friendliness, gave nothing away. And if there was one thing that had made James such a good agent, it was the inability to let anything go. But he didn't want Q to hit him or to mess with his credit cards (002 still shuddered at the memory of a whole week when Q punished him for insubordination by ensuring that none of his cards worked anywhere…), so he nodded and handed his equipment over…gun, radio and earwig. They were all a bit battered and scratched, but they were in perfect working condition

Q's face lit up at that. "Why thank you, Bond. I didn't expect this, certainly not after such a gruelling mission."

James tried to smother the stupid smile that was trying to take over his face. What was it about Q and his smile that made him want to grin like a loon?

"And now your after action reports," Q said as he reached under his desk for the forms. "I'm assuming you want to get all of this done today seeing as you'll be on vacation from tomorrow."

"Maybe after lunch," James suggested.

Q glanced at his watch. "Oh right. Of course. See you after lunch then," he said and he quietly went back to his work.

It was a clear dismissal. James got up feeling a bit at sea. This was the problem with Q. He was friendly, open and witty over the comms during a mission, but in person he was all business. If only he could get Q to open up and talk to him in person, he might get somewhere with him. James turned to go, deciding that this was a problem for another day. He was at the door when on impulse, he turned around and said,

"Why don't you join me?"

"Join you?" Q looked confused.

"For lunch…"

"You want me to have lunch with you?" Now he just looked perplexed.

"Yes. Most people stop working for a while at this time of the day and have lunch…unless you don't."

"I usually just forget," Q said sheepishly. "Then R yells at me and Eve brings me something to eat…"

"While you just drink tea."

"Something like that."

"So why don't you avoid R and Eve and come grab a bite with me? I'm sure whatever you're doing can wait for a while."

Q looked thoughtful for a moment. "Okay," he said. Then he closed his lap-top, told one of his minions that he going out for a bit and then he followed James as he made his way out of MI6.

Right. So that was step one. Getting Q out of the office. Maybe he would be less formal and more like himself in a different setting. James certainly hoped so.


	2. Chapter 2

It was nearly 2:00 when they stepped out of the office. It was a lovely day, all sunshine and cool breeze and since the restaurant that James had chosen was only a couple of blocks away, they decided to walk. They began talking about the mission that he'd just returned from.

Q had a few questions that he hadn't been able to ask before. It was shop talk and not particularly interesting, but they had both been deeply involved in the mission and this conversation, involving a lot of the little and mostly unimportant details was a bit like winding down. It had become a ritual of sorts for them.

It wasn't protocol. They had the formal de-briefing for that. And James had never been inclined to talk about his mission outside of the de-brief, but Q had made a habit of it ever since Skyfall.

It helped James sort things through in his head and it helped him come to terms with some of the more unpleasant aspects of his missions. They usually had this conversation over the comms. And now that they were face to face, James realised that he wasn't the only one who needed to talk things through and come to terms with his decisions and choices. It was comforting to know.

They got to the restaurant and ordered and for a while they were quiet. Q seemed a bit lost in his thoughts and James felt no real need to make conversation, so he stayed quiet, just looking out of the window and watching the people passing by. He found that he rather liked this.

He liked the fact that he and Q could sit together in a comfortable silence and not feel the compulsion to talk. He could withdraw into himself for a while, if he wanted. He didn't have to be all poised and charming…Q saw through most of that anyway. It was a relief, to be honest.

So much of his life and his work was spent being charming, persuasive and deliberately seductive. It was a façade that he felt compelled to keep up even around his colleagues at MI6. M (the real one, not Mallory) had been the only one that he used to let his guard down with.

And now there was Q. That he did not feel the need to pretend or to put up his defences around Q said a great deal about how comfortable he had become with the younger man. He glanced at him now…Q had that faraway look that he got when he was thinking deeply about something.

It was a good look on him and it allowed James to stare without being noticed. So he spent a pleasant five minutes running his eyes over that wild mop of hair that he was itching to run his fingers through, those intense and presently unfocussed green eyes which had captivated him from the very beginning, that pale complexion which turned a lovely pink every time that Q blushed which simply was not often enough.

And then there was the matter of his lips; beautiful was not an adequate word to describe them. James stared unabashedly as Q chewed on his bottom lip, completely unaware of the intense scrutiny that he was being subjected to. James Bond had been with a lot of people in his life, men and women and he had never found anyone who was so captivating to look at.

He would probably have gone on staring if the waitress hadn't interrupted them. She shot him an amused smile as she put the dishes on the table. The arrival of the food brought Q out of his reverie. He apologised for his distraction the moment she left.

"I didn't mean to drift away like that. It's just…I've been working on a new set of firewalls and I suddenly had the idea for new protocols that I could put in and..."

"It's okay, Q, honestly."

"I'm not much of a companion today, I'm afraid," Q said with a sigh. "I have so much going on in my head and so many things that I need to get done."

"I'd say you work too hard, but then you probably know that already."

"Hmmm…I can't help it. If there's work, I have to get it done."

"Workaholic."

"Like you're not. I've never seen anyone so determined to get back in the field even with a broken leg and an arm in a sling. In fact I'm surprised you're taking a break."

"So am I, to be honest. But if there's one thing that age teaches you, it is the fact that you need to admit it when you've pushed yourself as far as you can go. And I have. I've been on one mission after another for close to nine months now and I badly need some down-time."

Q raised his eyebrows at that. "I never thought I'd hear you say that."

"I didn't either. But it seems I've done some growing up since…" He broke off, not wanting to mention M's death and the impact it had had on him.

Q heard the unspoken words anyway and he was kind enough to change the subject.

"So where are you going?" he said instead.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"But I thought you were going to be on vacation."

"I am. But I'm out of the country all the time. So a vacation for me is staying home. Being in London for a while."

"I hadn't thought of it that way. But it makes sense, I guess."

After that their conversation drifted to the food which was really very good. They talked for a while about their favourite food and their favourite restaurants and James was relieved to find that Q was actually rather fond of good food. He ate with quite a bit of enthusiasm. So the whole not eating thing was really just forgetting to eat. _Well,_ _I'm going to fix that,_ he decided.

James Bond would be the first to admit that he was a hedonist. He liked the good things in life and he genuinely enjoyed good food, excellent scotch, good company and great sex. And these were all things he wanted to share with Q. So it was good to know that his beloved boffin could enjoy good food, though he stated a preference for wine over scotch, but that, he could live with.

They finished their meal and had a lemongrass tea each. Q, it seemed, was a tea enthusiast. James had known of the man's addiction to Earl Grey, but Q told him now that he collected teas from around the world and that Lemongrass Pandana leaf tea was one of his favourites. Now that was useful information. Teas from around the world would be easy gift to get his Quartermaster.

Q glanced at his watch after a while and he declared that it was time to go. It was nearly 3:30.

"Right. Of course. You have that budget committee meeting," James said.

"And you have an appointment with medical. I set up for four 'o' clock. "

Q looked at him like he was expecting an argument.

"I'll go. Anything to be cleared and free by tomorrow. Besides, I have nothing to be worried about this time. I'm barely injured."

Q snorted at that. "I've seen your bruises, Bond and I doubt anyone in medical is going to agree with your assessment."

"When did you see them? In the hotel in Osaka? I thought that place was free of cameras."

Q coloured a bit and James understood.

"You were watching me when I was in the gym this morning..."

"I'm sorry. I was just worried. You always lie about the extent of your injuries and you rarely get yourself the treatment you need..."

Q's concern was obvious and James was warmed by that. It seemed that his Quartermaster really did care about him. And if Q had been watching him for some other reason, well, James wasn't the slightest bit opposed to that.

They got back to MI6 and Q headed off for his meeting while James took himself to medical.

 **...  
**  
It took him an hour to get out of Medical. They poked and prodded and examined him thoroughly. They took his blood for testing and they patched up his bruises before handing him a prescription and a few antibiotics and reluctantly letting him leave. James was just grateful that Q hadn't ordered a psychological evaluation as well.

He wondered if Q had finished with his meeting. He wandered into Q-branch and found that he had not. So he went into Q's office and picked up the forms that the Quartermaster had left for him and he began to fill out his after action reports. He had an office for this and a lap top and technically he should have been using it.

But he didn't much feel like being alone at the moment and there was something about the sights and sounds of Q branch that never failed to soothe him. So he sat at Q's table and did his work on a borrowed lap top. Q walked in just as he was finishing. He had a scowl on his face that lightened considerably when he spotted James.

"I didn't expect to see you here," he said as he dropped a bunch of files on the table and sat down looking rather grumpy.

"I take it the meeting was painful."

"Painful, tedious, boring and a lot longer than it needed to be."

"You need tea."

"That I do," Q said as he made to get up.

"I'll make it. I'm done with these anyway."

"You'll make me tea?" Q said blankly.

"Yes. It's just tea. Of course I can make it."

"I don't doubt that. But why would you bother? I thought a double-oh was above such ordinary things as tea making."

"Us double-oh's eat and drink too, you know. And I could use some tea right about now."

James handed the forms and the laptop over. Then he went to the sideboard, filled the kettle and turned it on. He could feel Q's eyes on him, watching, clearly wondering what was going on in his head. James knew that his behaviour was a bit unusual. He'd never really hung around Q-branch much. His attraction to Q had made him keep away. And here he was, having spent the last hour working in Q's office instead of his own and now he was making tea.

He wondered if Q would actually ask him about it. He opened the cupboards and dug up the Earl Grey. There were other teas there, _but this is what Q will want to have_ _now_ , he thought. He made the tea and poured it into the cups. Then he took them over to the table and handed Q his Scrabble mug. Q was still looking a bit bemused. But he accepted the cup and took a tentative sip, humming with appreciation when he found that it was made exactly the way he liked it.

"You know how I like my tea..." he said.

"I'm a spy. It's my job to notice things," James said, as he settled into the chair facing Q.

"What is this really about, Bond? It's not like you to take me out to lunch and then hang around in my office and make me tea of all things. Clearly there's something you want."

James wasn't sure how to answer that question. It was too early to state his real intentions. But he didn't want to lie either, so he settled for a half-truth.

"Can't I just be here because I like your company?"

Q's eyebrows went up at that. He stared at James intently for a minute.

"You actually mean that," he said, his surprise evident. "Why though?"

James shrugged. "Why does anybody like anybody? Maybe, it is because I can relax around you. I don't have to pretend to be okay when I'm not and I don't have to talk if I don't want to. I don't have to be the suave, ruthless double-oh that everyone expects me to be. And I like the fact that we can talk about pretty much anything. I know I haven't spent much time here before, but I always enjoy our conversations over the comms and maybe I want some of that in person as well."

Q looked a bit taken aback and then he smiled.

"Are you saying that you want to be my friend?"

 _I want more, but I'll settle for friend right now_ , James thought. "Yes," he said aloud.

"Huh? I don't know when I last had a friend."

"Me neither. So what do you say, Quartermaster? Are you willing to let me into your life?"


End file.
